December 2024| My teenage daughter and I cannot wait to see the new Wicked movie.
The anticipation has gotten me thinking about main characters Elphaba and Glynda and the themes involved. Popularity and exclusion. Good and wicked.
In a strange sort of coincidence, I bumped into an old high school acquaintance a few weeks back at an airport waiting for a flight. She was quick to offer her feelings about our shared history. “I peaked at 17. Teenagers wanted to dress like me, style their hair like me, date me, or simply put—be me. And, then after that, it was never the same.”
She was one of the most popular students. I remembered how she was the first person to mimic Madonna in the late 80s wearing black lace gloves and a side ponytail. Other students soon imitated her.
That too reminded me of Wicked. The good witch, Glynda crooned to the other witch, Elphaba that popularity has nothing to do with ability, but rather “the way you’re viewed.” Glynda was talking about status and how others perceive us. How we look, dress, and conform - and how we seek to separate from the crowd.
WE ARE WIRED TO PURSUE STATUS – AKA “POPULARITY”
After my daughter and I saw Wicked the musical at the Saenger Theater in New Orleans, I set out on a quest to investigate what popularity actually means - in childhood, the workplace, and social circles. My research led me to my now well-worn copy of “Likeability: The Truth About Popularity,” by Lori Getz, MA & Mitch Prinstein, PhD.
Through their work, I learned the deeper dynamics of popularity. Social acceptance and cooperation have been critical to our survival. Research shows social exclusion or rejection triggers the same part of the brain and sends the same signals as physical pain and danger. Being kicked out of a group thousands of years ago meant imminent danger. Imagine trying to survive the natural world alone amidst predators, illness, harsh conditions and weather, and the absence of support from others.
A desire for popularity is as natural and organic an impulse as we possess.
POPULARITY v LIKEABILITY
Our ability to communicate and learn to adapt to our surroundings makes us the social beings we are – working together to survive. Metz and Prinstein show us how “likeability” is the truly durable factor underlying and outlasting the more limited “popularity.”
Being likeable and able to cooperate and work with others becomes more essential as we get older and have to achieve complex goals in running organizations or collaborating with others at a job.
In the workplace, I have seen firsthand how likeable leaders create optimal environments, but of course it doesn’t always win out. There are aggressive and unlikeable people in positions of power, who bring other merits to the table such as conscientiousness, talent, focus, and achievement, perhaps even accompanied by a certain ruthlessness. But typically, even they behave well with others in the C-Suite and have a more limited “likeability” that serves their needs.
Likeability, though, is a better long-term trait for success and harmony. In the aggregate, likeable people who engage more with peers and participate in extraprofessional activities get hired and promoted at higher rates, make more money, experience better health, and live longer.
One eye-popping stat – social isolation has a stronger negative effect than 20 or more cigarettes a day on your longevity.
People driven by the desire for status and external admiration also may develop higher rates of depression. They may get hired as an initial step on down the road of achievement, but they're more likely to get fired – to crash and burn.
LIKEABILITY WINS THE DAY – IN THE WORKPLACE AND AT HOME
In today’s world, we are immersed in media and messages driving people towards external validation, valuing raw “popularity,” if you will. Children are struggling with identity in new and terrible ways. Even adults have a hard time managing the demands of social media and avoiding the quest for status. In the workplace, we know these excesses create destructive dynamics. The same holds true with our personal lives.
Spoiler Alert: At the end of Wicked, Glynda achieves popularity, but at some cost – a deep sadness hanging over her head. Elphaba, on the other hand, reaches some new peace & happiness – she does not have to rely on other’s opinions for her happiness – it is rooted in her own authenticity.
Likeability, people! Let’s be ourselves and support each other for it!
Jenn Bankston heads strategic marketing and communications agency Bankston Marketing
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